The spectrum of doing to being
How understanding different mental modes helps us live in the moment
How long is your to-do list?
How much longer is it today that it was one month ago?
I’ll venture a guess that your’s isn’t a wishlist of all your favorite activities. It’s probably a mix of chores and errands you’ve put off, phone calls you owe, payments you owe…and that’s just the “life” list.
How long is your work to-do list?
How many items on it are you excited about?
As the lists build and build, they weigh heavily on our shoulders. We start to live our lives in service of the lists. Weekends fill up before they start. Calls to mom get rescheduled. Work creeps into breakfast and past dinner.
As life becomes an endless checklist, we lose out on vital ingredients to our wellbeing and potential.
The lists exist for a reason: I did need to take my cat to the vet and finish that project by the deadline. And many of the tasks on the lists are enjoyable — they’re part of what makes life wonderful! Going for a walk with my friend, getting deep into an interesting project, working out. But as life becomes an endless checklist, we lose out on vital ingredients to our wellbeing and potential.
Living from lists is doing. Living with lists is being.
Doing
When we’re doing, we’re focused on:
- The past and future
- Our desires
- Expectations
We’re in the mode of getting things done and achieving goals. Often, the achievement rests in changing how things currently are. That’s healthy when the change we’re aiming for is “my cat has now gotten the thumbs up from the vet.” It’s a different story when the goal is “I’m now happy.”
The difference in these two goals lies in where they live: my cat’s vet visit is external, my happiness is internal. Doing is a tried and true approach for achieving external goals. But does it work for internal achievement?
We equate the external and internal, and ignore the vast differences between them.
Life experience suggests the answer is no. We’re so used to doing that it’s natural to apply it to our internal goals. But in doing so, we equate the external and internal, and ignore the vast differences between them. Our feelings and identities are added as tasks — we become the list.
Being
When we’re being, we’re focused on:
- The moment
- Our values
- Each other
The task list still exists, but it’s one object of many that we can direct attention to. Being looks different for everyone, but the difference between the two modes is stark.
Doing is inherently goal oriented; being is inherently not goal oriented.
Self image, relationship with others, and mental states aren’t binary like most external goals. So a goal oriented approach isn’t the right fit.
Doing is trying to get somewhere; being is accepting that there’s nowhere else to go.
Your mind isn’t going anywhere. Neither are the thoughts and feelings that flood it, nor the tasks that overwhelm and add fuel to the raging fire. So why try to get somewhere else?
Doing is targeted attention; being is broad awareness
Targeting attention on a specific goal works well in the external world. But because there are no binary internal goals, and because there’s nowhere to go but the moment, it creates a vicious cycle when pointed internally. We pay close attention to thoughts and feelings, labeling them, projecting them, and following them down rabbit holes and into repetitive cycles.
Yet thoughts like “I need to get this done by 6pm” or “I need to speak up for myself more” are no different from “It’s windy right now.” We never obsess over passing thoughts about the weather or believe the weather is permanent.
This brings up a key tactic of being: not believing your own thoughts.
The only reason you believe your thoughts are because they’re yours. Most of your thoughts concern the future — which hasn’t happened yet — and the past — which probably didn’t happen exactly as you remember. Thoughts lead to the proliferation of both internal and external list items. And as the lists grow, we fall further and further into doing.
The only reason you believe your thoughts are because they’re yours.
This is why awareness is the primary ingredient to being. Recognizing that your thoughts aren’t true, noticing the voice in your head, seeing the lists for what they are — all of these are manifestations of awareness. When we are aware, the lists become a tool to achieving external goals, rather than central to our identities and practices.
The spectrum
It is exciting to recognize that we exist on a spectrum of doing to being, and are able to flex between the modes. There are times where we need to be very focused on doing, and most people are pretty good at that mode. We’ve been drilled in the skills required throughout our schooling and professional careers.
Embracing awareness leads us to being, no matter how much doing remains ahead.
The skills core to being are inherent in all of us, but aren’t often nurtured. We may hear “live in the moment,” but it’s easier said than done until it sinks in that the moment is the only time we get to be alive. That awareness is the only possible state of living, whether we recognize it or not. Embracing awareness leads us to being, no matter how much doing remains ahead.
What does the spectrum look like for you?
You may want to try listing out the attributes of each mode and the elements of your life that match — having the comparison on paper can serve as a foundation to be more intentional about your mindset, and can be a shortcut to a moment of awareness.
You may also wish to try drawing a spectrum like so:
When you feel stressed out or stuck, place yourself on the spectrum. Why are you where you are right now? How might you move along it?
Thinking, feeling, doing, being. They’re all happening at once. They’re all happening right now. Are you aware?
Want to go deeper? I encourage you to listen to these talks by awareness leaders John (father) and Will (son) Kabat-Zinn, and read analysis on other sites.
